No one knows, no one cares, ok?

I've been feeling like shit. I don't know, it's just that it feels like I'm the only one who has problems, and crying by myself doesn't help. I feel stupid and pathetic, jut talking about him made me cry so much. I didn't exactly cry, right after I talked about him, I cried after realizing that I was being a loser. I bet I don't even cross his mind, not even once. So why am I all over him when he can't even spend one second of his life thinking bout me. So I'm being this happy and all cheery person on twitter, I was crying like a maniac, feeling so empty inside yet, when posting something to someone, I actually put a smiley at the end of my sentences. It's easier this way, questions can be avoided, and you don't hve to explain yourself to anyone. Why am I living life like this? I have someone whos willing to take me, as broken as I am, and yet I walked away from those opportunities just like that. Because I'm not Over you. Because I still wanna wait for you like an idiot.
I fucking have to read those effing thing for undang test tomorrow. Kbye.

Yes kiss me now!

Life has been a stuck up bitch, and i don't like this. I'm texting him, and I'm saying all the wrong things. I wanted to say, I miss you, and I want you. All that I can think about was you, east or west, night or day, when I'm cranky or happy, when I'm sad or moody, it's always you on mind. My heart is filled with you, and only you. Love is painful, I agree. I feel like dying, as it hurts too much. I hate how much I love you so (: that's why I need you, and why am I being so emo? Urgh -.-

conversation

I think my blog is...lame. Haha, wonder how many people gag after reading my entries.Hmm, so SPM SPM SPM. I know, writing,thinking,typing the huge word is a depression and I am very depressed. I haven't achieve any goals in life and my existence is for nothing. Have you ever thought of things like that? I guess not, since your results are waaay better than mine. I've been failing a lot of subjects and it may be because of lack of practice. I guess sleeping the whole day is not relaxing. Fine, I'll be a better person from now and I will definitely score my Physics : D That's hilarious, since, you know I've never even pass the fucking paper. Oh well, I guess nothing is fucking impossible and impossible, it's nothing babeyh ( ; GoodfuckingNight. This post is for students, only 18 and below, BUT 13 and above! MUAHAHAHAHA : D Bye.

what are words

I know, I am bloody outdated. But seriously What Are Words by Chris Medina is really touching. That, my friends, is a true love. Yeap! and I have been missing him a lot. Why can't we bump into each other at school, and actually have a real conversation like how we used to, and have small fights over your Iphone, and I tell you what I did that day, and you tell me about how you got knocked out during the game. I know, what will be on my mind, is how much I miss you, how I really like you, and you'll stand there, as innocent as anything, not knowing what is playing on my mind. You know how much I really wanna throw myself at you and embrace you, like you're the only thing that matters. Sigh, I guess life is always unfair to you.

Leaving the dying leaves

I've had  a bad day at school, suddenly wanting to be with my camera, as if I have it with me, so, school sucks, and I have netball practise, YAY! I can actually exercise, it's been weeks since I last exercised. I am hoping to get back in shape and actually feel THIN again, yes oh yes, I am awfully fat. And guess what, I think chubby people are hot. And I won't be hot if I get fat because I just won't (: Too tall la :D Btw, if you're fat, be please with that because I bet you are pretty in your own ways. I am right, aren't I ? Okayh, till then, Bye (:

Up, Above The Sky

I've always enjoyed looking up at the sky, and wonder at how amazing it looks, night or day, sunny or cloudy, windy or stormy, it never stop to surprise me with its beauty. I think if you take a picture under the sky, I bet anybody can look gorgeous. I mean, think about it, you'll look damn hot under the open sky. Okay, so let's stop talking about how immature my thinking is, and focus and what I was about to say, before I went on about the sky and looking gorgeous and sky. Haha, so 3 nights ago, my family and I went to Stadium Putra Bukit Jalil to watch how suck Chelsea was and how awesome Harimau Malaya was (: And watch the freaking highlights people, because IT WASN'T A GOAL! But, the world ended up accepting the score, 1-0 , but I'm definitely making a stand here that IT WASN'T A GOAL! Hee, and guess in what way would I, the awesomest among the awesomest get the ticket ? Astro sponsored them, WOHOOO, and the whole school got the freeeee tickets (: It was more like SMK SEAFIELD's gate rather than Violet Gate and Yellow Gate at the stadium :D And, guess what ? As usual, my rant will be about how suck my life is right now ! Problems keep arising, and solutions keep "drowning". And I haven't even start studying, still, here I am, blabbing away about my insane and hectic life when I could take the bloody books and start revising :'( I will stop, or else you wouldn't even continue reading this blog of mine. Goodbye :D

please don't go

I am always thinking about you, constantly designing my own dreams before I go to bed so that you will never leave my mind, even when I'm asleep. You caught me looking at you, but I know you caught me looking because I caught you looking. Okay wth?! I am begging you to clear this mess up. You leave me hanging and kept me waiting. How am I supposed to get over you when I still hope. Everyday, every minute, every second I hope for us to be better, in all the things we do, and all the things we are in. And to be better with each other. Because guess what, you're the best guy I've ever met in my 17 years of living hell, and you're the closest thing to heaven. I admit, I love you, no matter what you saw or heard. Still loving you since the moment you let me go.
Damn, this is so melodramatic. Honestly, I am sick of all the love songs I listen to, sick of all the fairy tales I read, and really really sick to the pit of my stomach of all the couples I see out there. Because sooner or later, they are gonna fall apart, just like how it turned out for you and I ):
Can you be honest with me the next time we talked about love ?
I am hoping you would :\

maybe you

You know, I didn't expect you to be there. I was joking with him, and was looking around and I saw you there with your friends. I don't know how you got there, but my heart was beating like it's gonna burst anytime soon, and maybe it's because I don't want you to see me like that. It wasn't a big deal to me, but I don't want you to have crazy ideas. I really really really love you, and I don't know how to gain your trust back ):

With love from me to you :)

its not ok when i say it is

I know, life's always ugly, but if you look inside the ugliness, you'll find beauty. Haha, what the heck am i crapping ? Btw, life for me is over. I mean, look at me. I am ugly I am fat I am a Loser I am a failure I failed every subjects in school I disappoint my parents all the time. So what is this ? What's the point of living ? My feelings are a mixture and I am lame. I am never good in anything, and people look down on me ALL THE TIME! Guys I like, don't know I exist. See, how pathetic I am. My crushes love better chicks. So, I am left with nothing but remorseful regrets. Despite all the efforts I put into making myself a better person, I am becoming worse, and I just hope it doesn't get to an extend where I will just give up, and when I don't get back up, it's really GAME OVER (: Oh, I would really like to tell a story, of how broken my heart is when what I expected, becomes the opposite. And guess what, when I cry, I don't have anyone to turn to. I would like to go to him, but I fear that he might ignore me. Seriously, knowing that he doesn't care for me would make my world come crashing down, so I'm better left not knowing (: Goodnight :B

I am freaking out. I mean, how can I not freaked out ? Some ASSHOLE tried to break into my house while we were gone for the holidays. My front door's knob is missing, so you can easily push the door, and, again some asshole pushed the door, three times now, at night and ran away. What The Fuck ? You can say I'm paranoid. Well, it's creepy enough that some fucking assholes peeked at us while we are showering, now you want to ENTER our house ? I FUCKING SAW YOU ! I FUCKING KNOW WHICH FUCKING BASTARD are you, so you better stop doing your fucking dirty hobby and get the fucking hell away from here. I should get a healthy 8 hour sleep on Saturday and because I was FREAKING OUT because of stupid bastards like you, I couldn't sleep at all ! STOP BOTHERING US! THERE ARE MANY GIRLS OUT THERE ON CHOWKIT ROAD WAITING FOR BASTARDS LIKE YOU! leave us alone ! 

Love is Pain

I do not know why I have to do ALL the chores ! This is SO not fair, my mum leave all the work to moi :( Best thing is, we're gonna go to Penang this afternoon, cool huh ? And guess what stupid thing I did last night ? I bloody texted him ! I knew I was drunk, hey, I don't drink. You know, doing things unconciously, without thinking about the consequences. Haih, I freaking TEXTED him ! WHAT THE HELL ? Urghhhh, despite all my attemp to ignore, I "sort of" said, I BLOODY MISS HIM. All my efforts to stay shut up and mind my own business just gone. It's like all this while, the walls I'm building, bricks by bricks, I just burnt them down or something, because going to the other side is more important. Saying I miss him seems like it can SAVE my life. Oh, I admit, a week without seeing him was suffocating, I couldn't even hold my breath. And now, I make myself look stupid. Okayh, I'm definitely blabbing away, I.SHOULD.STOP. Till then, bye (:

0330

A song of how a guy who cannot sleep at 0330hours, thinking about the girl he loves (: Ain't that sweeeeet ? Oh, I have been in that kind of situation before, and still I wonder if he ever does ? So, I am a useless bitch, because I eat and sleep and eat. I don't do anything else, and that's why my mum keeps nagging. Kesian Mama. Sorry Mama, I'll try to be a better person tomorrow :) And Gosh, I love my adidas tshirt (: It's blue and it's awesome. Wohoo, and I am being unexpectedly calm at this very moment, despite all the craziness around me, am I gonna die soon or something ? Coz if I am, I wanna say I'm sorry to my parents, my siblings and my fantastic friends for being there when I needed them, I really appreciate your existence, and nobody can ever repay, not even me, your kindness (: So long, my friend. Till then, goodbye (:

fun fun fun (:

It's Sunday, and I went to Sunway with Fikri (: We went for a movie, X-MEN was BLOODY awesome. ALEX is cute and damn he's just so HOT! After walking for hours, we sat at Popular, on the freaking carpeted floor, at one of the aisles. Because we were exhausted! And then we went to Sunway Megalanes and played a game (: wohoo, I was the loser but still he didn't play that well :D:D And thanks A LOT Fikri, you, reallyyy made my day :D And ouh the ice cream, the popcorn and the freaking coke, you didn't get to drink any more than half kan ? shayyt ;p Even the freaking Subway sandwich, HAHA, okayh, I was supposed to post a "cute" photo of us but it didn't want to be uploaded. When I say cute, I mean really cute. HAHAHA! Thanks again Fikri, and Goodnight (:

p/s: i HOPE the baju fits you ;)

what bugs her

so, Imma go offline in about, 17 more minutes. I need to pack my stuff, and tidy my room. Bye, off to Kelantan in the morning (: See ya!

now or never

I used to love to write, but now it feels kinda dull. Maybe I don't have anything to write about. Oh, maybe I do. Haha, so my family and I, are going to Kelantan tomorrow. Wohoo, and the bad news is, I haven't even packed a thing yet, my room is a mess, and I haven't done any chores, besides doing the dish. And darn, my camera hasn't been recharged, and things are kinda in a mess right now. Let's not think about that right now, and just go with the flow. Whatever happens, happens alright ? I feel like watching a chick flick, maybe Dear John. OH! I forgot, my DEAR JOHN went missing a few months ago ! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ! Yes, I heart that movie, and Channing Tatum is just freaking hot in there, really really irresistable, and YUMMY :D Hee, I'm easily distracted. Look at me ! I was doing something else just now, and now I go crazy over my DEAR JOHN disc ! :(
Inform me if you see my DEAR JOHN lying around on your bedroom floor alright !?

gee, grow up.

I do not know what my sister's problem is, I think she's having Pms, or something because she CRIED when i asked for the laptop -.- I mean IT IS my turn, to go online, so yeah. Don't know what her problems are. So I came across a blog, that belongs to a Bitch, as she admitted that she has had sex before. She admitted publicly that she has lost her virginity. This is definitely not supposed to happen in our society. That girl has a religion for God's sake and she isn't ashamed at all ! What's really happening to this world ? I'm gonna say no more and am gonna think about things that makes me happy !

dreamy me.

Okayh, one last post before I go to sleep. I love you and I really really miss you. Although you ignore me in school, and treats me like a best friend at tuition, I still like you (:
Goodnight (:

try baby

first of all,I really miss my school friends.And I miss Fikri. Dude, we haven't seen each other in ages ! When can we meet up and hangout together ? I've been wanting to tell you A LOT of stories.Don't you miss me? :( Haha, and I've also been missing this guy.I keep telling my friends that he's a fallen angel, ouh well, he does look like one. Ouh no, not in my friends' opinion. Damn, they have WEIRD tastes :D So, the good news is that I won't have to share a guy with any of them, HAHAHAHA :D He's busy this holiday I guess, since he doesn't say hi to me anymore on Msn :(
And, I am definitely not up for something.Mama and Abah have decided to go to Kelantan this Thursday.We are using Karak Highway, right ? or so I heard. Haha, and wow, it's gonna be awesome since I haven't been going out in a while. Made some minor plans with friends, like going for a jog at MPSJ (: It was fun, I had a real good time with Hani. We laughed our ass off weyh !
Oh, and I've been wanting to say this, but if you're a Seafieldian, and if YOU happen to read this post, tell me, who's on his mind right now, alright ? Am I a desperado ? No, I'm not a desperado. Just a curious "stalker" or so you think :D
Goodbye, I have a tuition class tomorrow and I need a goodnight sleep (:
Later (:

laugh out loud

Seriously, get the hell out of my head. Or I'm really gonna shoot my head, and let the brain scattered on the floor for you to pick up, pieces by pieces.And when you're done with that, come help me save my life (: Make wonders happen, can't you ? I'm not telling any crap here, alright ? Although I AM crapping the hell out of myself, but still, what I'm trying to say is, just stop liking any other girls that you have feelings for and see right through me, that I'am the right one for you, and that I love your perfections and I can really put up with your flaws. I don't need time to get to know you because I know you a whole lot better than your own best friends. What i need is just a slight feeling of what I have inside my heart for you and so that you can return the same feeling towards me. Damn, what a dream. Did I tell you that I danced for the teachers. Ouh well, I screwed up a lot, but it was definitely FUN (:
later :D

please, don't go

letting go is definitely hard, so im trying my very best to hold onto what i believe. and right now, things are in a blur, and hazy so i couldn't see clearly, for what's in front me may be good or bad, how am i to know ? *sigh* 

I am very grateful to ALL my friends for being there when i need them, they have, been my close friends for more than a year, and i appreciate all the love and care they have given me, and i have nothing to pay them back. so all i could ask for, is that i hope they come to me, when they need someone to listen to, talk to, or just hear them out. I am happy to serve :D

so what have you been up to ? i obviously am not studying, and that's supposed to be the things i should do during this break, but no, im violating my vow and resolution, and am killing myself slowly.

okayh, seriously i need to realllyy stop crapping.

*sigh* till next time, peeps (:

bye :D